


pull me closer (and hold me in your arms)

by ennui_ephemera



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: M/M, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Stuck in a blizzard, Two Idiots in Love and Not Realizing, i wrote this when it was ninety degrees out at the end of may
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-03-30 21:13:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19035706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ennui_ephemera/pseuds/ennui_ephemera
Summary: On a roadtrip to Chicago to visit Andrew's family for Christmas, the car breaks down in a blizzard. While trapped for hours together, certain feelings come to light.(From the prompts: "things said when you were scared" and "things said with no space between us")





	pull me closer (and hold me in your arms)

“It’s going to be nighttime soon,” Neil noted, white breath pluming in front of him in a puffy cloud of condensation. He pressed his hand flat against the window, the glass was ice to the touch and Neil’s skin stung at the contact. He wiped at the foggy glass with his sleeve and peered out past the snowflakes buffeted and swirling in the wind. He couldn’t see anything but snow and ice and the haunting black boughs of the trees around them. 

Neil glanced back at Andrew in the front seat, bent over his phone, the light from the screen lighting up his face in an eerie blue glow. He stayed silent, but Neil could read the tension in his shoulders as easily as he could read printed words in a book. 

“Still no signal?” Neil asked. Andrew grunted in response. Realizing he wasn’t going to get an answer out of him any time soon, Neil rubbed his hands together and blew into them in an attempt to bring back warmth to his fingers. He wished desperately that the Maserati would come to life again, but Andrew had tried three times to turn the key in the ignition and the results heralded nothing. The car had died on the side of the road only twenty minutes ago, and the cold was already seeping in through the cracks and thoroughly chilling Neil to the bone without the blast of warm air from the vents to ward it off. 

With one last look out the window, at the quickly dying light and the tumultuous snowfall, Neil reached into the backseat to grab his duffel. Andrew glanced at him from the corner of his eye before turning his attention back to his phone as Neil pulled the overstuffed bag, old and patchy in the corners, onto his lap to rifle through for something to keep him warmer. He pulled out two sweaters and a pair of sweatpants that he was suddenly grateful he’d packed. Andrew had called him dramatic, but the warmth of the sweaters would provide relief from the cold. 

Neil crawled into the backseat to get changed. He pulled both of the sweaters over his head, not bothering to take off his long-sleeved shirt underneath, and peeled off his jeans. He shivered at the brush of cold leather against the bare skin of his legs and quickly pulled the sweats on.

The light up front extinguished as Andrew turned his phone off and dropped it in his lap. Neil could only see the faint outline of his head from the reflection of the snow outside. Dark was rapidly approaching. 

“You’ve changed in front of me before,” Andrew said, voice quiet and apathetic. Neil’s face would have flushed if the air wasn’t so cold. 

Andrew has seen Neil undressed, and he’s seen his scars. It was almost impossible not to when they’d shared a dorm room and a locker room for four years. There was bound to be accidental glimpses. It wasn’t that Neil was ashamed of Andrew seeing him, but ever since Neil started taking special notice of Andrew and the way his muscles flexed and strained against his shirt when he lifted over two hundred pounds at the gym, Neil could hardly change his socks with Andrew in the room without blushing. And Neil wasn’t one to blush.

Neil had never liked anyone before, not in that way at least, but the past couple months Neil has started seeing Andrew differently. He’s started seeing him in that way, which was becoming a huge problem. 

Andrew didn’t ask a question, so Neil didn’t answer him. Instead he subtly cleared his throat and said, “We should have flown to Chicago instead of trying to drive.”

“Fuck you,” Andrew said mildly, and the tension in the air drained away. “I would rather get stuck in an upstate blizzard than die in a plane crash.”

Neil had heard this particular argument countless times. Still, he said, “The likelihood of dying in a plane crash is slim, but people die from hypothermia all the time.”

The car went silent except for the howl of the wind outside as Andrew and Neil realized how dire their situation really was. 

They were stranded on a long road in the middle of nowhere, no town within miles of then, during a blizzard. The car had died and the few thin pieces of clothing they had would do little to keep them warm. They could freeze to death, get hypothermia or pneumonia, or even get snowed in and starve long before anyone ever found them. They were an hour out from Aaron’s apartment, and the last time Andrew had sent him an update on where they were was over two hours ago when they stopped for gas. But now there was no reception and Andrew couldn’t get a message through to his brother, let alone a tow truck. No one else knew where they were or where they were headed, and no one would know where to look for them if they were to send out a search party. 

“We might die out here,” Neil said, his hushed voice nearly swallowed up by the wind.

“Way to ruin Christmas,” Andrew replied. He turned in his seat and met Neil’s wide-eyed gaze. “Are there any blankets back there or did we put them in the trunk?”

Neil ducked below to check. He patted his hands along the floor of the Maserati, blind in the thick darkness, and breathed out a sigh of relief when something soft brushed his fingers. He grasped it and presented the large, fluffy blanket to Andrew. 

“There’s only one,” Neil said. “But we can share.”

Andrew nodded and forced his way over the console into the backseat. For someone so small, he sure did have a hard time crawling back there. As if he knew what Neil was thinking, Andrew flicked him an unimpressed look and settled in the back with Neil. Neil draped the blanket over their shoulders, it was just big enough to cover the both of them, although they had to sit close together. Neil felt a tiny prick of panic go through his body when he realized how close they really were, but relaxed when Andrew pressed his thigh and shoulder into Neil’s. He was very warm. 

“Aaron knows we’re heading this way,” Andrew said quietly, reasonably. “He would be expecting us soon, and when we don’t show he’ll know something’s wrong. He’s smart, he’ll figure it out.”

Neil had only met Andrew’s twin brother a handful of times when he stayed with Andrew over the holidays, but he wasn’t so sure. If Andrew weren’t with him, Neil wouldn’t be surprised if Aaron let him die out here. They’d never really gotten along, always butting heads and exchanging sharp words. 

They shared body warmth in silence for almost an hour when Neil felt the tension creep back into his frame. He could feel Andrew breathing beside him, slow and measured. He was steady and solid and warm, and Neil couldn’t stand it. His heart ached to be so close to Andrew while knowing he could never get any closer. Neil started to edge away, trying to put some distance between them as much as he could in a cramped car. Immediately, without Andrew next to him, the cold flooded through him, paralyzing. Numbing.  
It was too dark to really see, and Neil sensed more than saw Andrew’s shoulders bunch up. 

“Do you have a problem or something?” Andrew asked. Neil could detect the sharpness in the words even though Andrew’s voice was low. 

Neil gnawed on his lip. “It doesn’t matter,” he said. 

“Yes,” Andrew said, voice tight, “it does.”

Puzzled, Neil didn’t respond. He wondered if Andrew had picked up on Neil’s attraction to him and was angry about it. Another bolt of panic went through Neil’s veins. He could accept not ever being with Andrew, but losing him completely was too much to handle. 

“You’ve been avoiding me, Neil.” Andrew said. “You think I haven’t noticed that you find an excuse to leave whenever I enter the room? You’ve been spending more time away from me lately and I’m left wondering what happened to my best friend.”

“It’s not like that-” Neil began to protest but Andrew cut him off.

“I think it is like that. It’s no coincidence that when I started bringing guys around the dorm you started to not wanting to be around me.” Andrew said, almost a snarl. “Does me fucking other men make you that uncomfortable?”

“Oh.” Neil blinked, startled. It was then that Neil realized Andrew was hurt. “No. No. I don’t care about that.”

Andrew huffed. “Then why are you acting like you can’t stand the sight of me?”

Neil could have stayed quiet, could have let his secrets die with him. That’s what he would have done years ago. He would have run and run and run until his feet were out of steps to take. But they might seriously die out here, and Neil couldn’t let things go unspoken.

Fuck it, he thought. If Andrew doesn’t forgive me, then at least I’ll be dead and I won’t have to deal with it.

Taking a deep breath, Neil forced the words past clenched teeth, “Because it hurts.” 

After the initial confession the rest seemed to come freely. Like a dam bursting and water rushing to the forefront, Neil let his secrets flow, let the things he kept so close to his chest come to light because he couldn’t stand it anymore. He didn’t want to keep anymore secrets, and he didn’t want to go the rest of his life wondering what would happen if he told Andrew he felt for him things he never thought he’d be capable of feeling for anyone. 

“Seeing you always at a distance hurts,” he said in a rush. “I’d rather leave the room instead of seeing you with other men because a part of me wishes it was me in their place. But I can’t do that, Andrew.” His voice rose with every new word, every new emotion he purged from his throat. “And I know - I know you’ve always said you don’t do relationships, but I don’t want to just be a one night stand or a hookup, I don’t want to only be with you at night and only in your bed. I can’t do that. I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

Andrew stayed quiet during the whole tirade, and when Neil had finished the whole car rang with his silence. Neil’s breathing was ragged, and he began to debate leaving the car and finding his own way back to South Carolina himself, blizzard and hypothermia be damned.  
When the silence became too much to handle and Neil felt himself reaching for the door, he felt a tug on the sleeve of one of his sweaters. Neil dropped his hand and looked down at his lap. Another tug, sharper this time, had Neil looking through the darkness to where he knew Andrew to be. He could only see the barest outline of him, but it was enough. 

“I said I don’t do relationships,” Andrew began softly. Neil huffed and tried to pull away but was stopped by Andrew’s fingers brushing the line of his jaw, turning Neil’s head to face him, “because I was never interested in something more with those men. Knowing that you want me too changes everything.”

“Wait,” Neil said, his mind blanking. “What?”

Andrew sighed in exasperation. “You really didn’t know I liked you?”

“I...no. I had no idea.”

Neil could hear Andrew grinding his teeth together in frustration. It was such a familiar noise that Neil would have smiled it he wasn’t so shocked. 

“I’ve had feelings for you for years. I thought you didn’t like anybody.” The leather seats squeaked as Andrew shifted his weight to face Neil. 

“Well...I didn’t. At least I thought I didn’t. I’ve only ever been attracted to you.”

Andrew bumped his forehead against Neil’s. “We’re both idiots,” he said.

“Yeah,” Neil agreed. He almost laughed. He felt lighter than air now that the weight of suppressing his feelings for Andrew was gone from his shoulders. His lungs breathed freely.

They were very close, he and Andrew. Neil could feel the warm puffs of air from Andrew’s breath of his lips. His heart quickened. He heard Andrew swallow. 

“Yes or no?” Andrew said quietly. 

“Yes,” Neil breathed, and felt his eyes flutter shut. 

Andrew kissed him. His firm lips were cold pressed against Neil’s, but his mouth was warm and Neil had no problem opening his own to let some of that warmth in. Andrew’s hand slid to the back of Neil’s neck and pulled him closer, Neil hummed with satisfaction at the angle. Andrew pulled away first and they sat there, foreheads pressed together and their knees bumping, their chests moving in tandem. 

“We should do that more,” Neil said, still trying to catch his breath. Every time he thought he could breathe evenly, he remembered Andrew’s lips pressed against his and the air in his lungs hitched. “If only to keep warm.”

“Yes,” Andrew said agreeably. “It doesn’t look like the snow is stopping any time soon.”

Neil knew Andrew couldn’t see how heavily it was snowing outside, but instead of calling him out on it, he pressed closer for another kiss. 

* * *

Neil woke with a ray of light shining in his face, momentarily blinding him. For a moment he forgot where he was, until he felt Andrew curled up beside him and remembered the way they kissed for hours until they fell asleep under the cover of darkness. Neil shielded his eyes and sat up, the blanket falling from his shoulders to pile at his waist. 

Sunlight filtered in through the windows, mostly covered up by sheets of white. The snow was blinding, and Neil had to squint to see through the gaps that the snow hadn’t covered up. Outside was blanketed in white, but Neil could see that it had stopped snowing except for a few little errant flakes. Miraculously, they hadn’t frozen to death. 

Maybe Neil had been a bit dramatic. Maybe.  
Movement to Neil’s right and a short grunt that sounded suspiciously like Andrew’s ‘I’m grumpy that I’m awake this early’ told Neil that Andrew was beginning to stir. Neil looked over to find Andrew blinking slowly up at him. His hair was tussled from Neil’s hands running through them all night and having to sleep in the backseat of a car, but his face was clam and relaxed. 

“It’s stopped snowing,” Neil said. Andrew grunted again. 

“And it’s still cold so come here and bring your warmth,” Andrew retorted, his voice honey slow and scratchy with sleep. 

Neil snorted and fit his body in between Andrew’s and the seat. He shivered from the cold and let Andrew warm him again. A quiet ding made them pause. Andrew groped for his phone, which had fallen on the floor sometime in the night, and brought it up to his face to look at it. 

“Stupid thing finally has connection.” Andrew’s eyebrows bunched as he frowned. “And about thirty messages from my brother and cousin.” More dings came from Andrew’s phone. Andrew’s eyes squinted, following the progression of missed messages and phone calls. “Jesus.”

Andrew typed a quick message and let the phone tumble back to the floor. “I told them we got stranded and sent them our location to pick us up. They should be here in about an hour, depending on how bad that roads are.”

Neil hummed. Nicky was probably freaking out, he would fret over Andrew the first chance he got. Aaron, Neil was sure, was probably worried too.

Andrew looked at him, his expression pointed. “We have about an hour until we’re stuck with my family for two weeks,” he said, spelling it out straight.

Neil grinned, his face smushed against Andrew’s chest. “I guess we have to keep warm until then,” Neil said, “You know, so we don’t freeze to death.” 

Andrew snorted and pulled him in.

**Author's Note:**

> it's literally so hot outside and i've never experienced a blizzard in my life so i don't know why i wrote this but i did!
> 
> my tumblr is [knox-knocks](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/knox-knocks)!


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